Bee in the Now...

Get on with it and bee in the now... bzzzz

Lots of conformation to trust and just be in the now keeps happening this year, I am learning to listen and realise the signs being given to me.

Thanks Universe for all that you're providing, all in perfect timing, reminding me to remember the minds eye reason for BEE ING here...

Bees are good and be Ing is great.

In my life, if I am being aware enough, I see so many signs in things, conversations, reactions to people's energy, but all very subtle. It takes time to just be in the moment and be present, to have the understanding to listen to what others have to say and to also listen to yourself when you speak.

We are all the teacher and the student, but we can be the student teaching the teacher that is ourselves when we listen and observe.

Peace 1 <3

Will MD

Depression aka deep rest on... a current low point of the wave - 6th Feb 2019

Something I have had to deal with more than a few times in my life, at least, since being in my 20's and 30's is the anguish of anxiety leading into depression.

I am currently going through a spout of it, once again, due to my own incompetence of understanding and letting my emotions take control.

I am a Capricorn/Aquarius cusp Sun sign, I was born on the 20th of January 1984 (the year of the rat) I have a Leo Moon and my Ascendant is Scorpio.

I find that I struggle to connect with the Capricorn aspect of my sign, the Aquarius can be a bit obvious to me sometime and I have no idea about the Leo side of my personality, yet, the Scorpio is the one that seems to appear more often than not (at least, I notice it more). Carly is a Cancer/Leo Cusp so both of our signs are opposing. She is also Leo Rising (double leo). She see's my Leo, a lot!

Since having an understanding of the Ascendant sign (also know as Rising sign) it has given a greater understanding of who I am, however, it appears that because of how this sign works, I still do not have a very good grasp on what exactly you can do about it when it rises. It seems that when it rises, it takes full control and you just have to be in its presence and let it do it's thing. A bit like Depression, it's some sort of personality auto response to a situation!

Recently myself and Carly have been blowing up at each other and venting steam, I am not pulling my weight in the house with regards to keeping the house clean, the clothes washed, doing the washing up and any cooking.

I can cook, but since moving here and having Mum take over that area of life (she's an amazing cook, but then, aren't they all?!) my cooking responsibility vanished. I have really struggled to grasp the concept of cooking with veg and no meat. We are mainly veggie now as the meat here just doesn't seem appetising to either of us. This is just an excuse, I understand. I need to be able to cook food for myself and for my partner. I want to show her that I can create some amazing dishes.

I am aware how important food is in our daily activities of life, it is constantly a thing that I would always here Mum say, even at breakfast... "what are we having for lunch and dinner"... I would always be like "we're just eating breakfast!".

I am too in the moment and possibly a bit too spontaneous most of the time to think about what I want for lunch or dinner, but this doesn't seem to work when you are in a relationship where you are both trying to be the equal party and have to be responsible for what you eat.

This last few days I have managed to do nothing around the house, in fact, this year, I have spent approximately 6 days being able to be present, the rest of the time, a semi/full space cadet (thanks nicotine and weed!) but I will get there...

I know how to pull myself out of this headspace, I have spoken with friends, meditated, reached out to people that I know can help me.

However, for some reason, the cat we have is on some next level of being a complete pain (or genius) and will not allow us to sleep for more than a few hours every night before waking up, loudly shouting that she is awake, before slamming the door next to our bedroom (it has a gap and a metal cage on top to stop them (there's 3 of them) jumping over the door), then wandering back to her box to sleep... which, in turn wakes me up in full alert mode, ready for action, heart beating, adrenaline pumping, ready to go and save the world... to shout out "FUCKING CAT" and then lay there stewing for however long until she does it again at around 7am or 8am... She is the alarm clock. I hate alarm clocks! It is irrelevant if she is indoors or outside, she will do the same, always has, always will (I seriously hope not!).

We have tried everything, the thing she is doing, is like what I used to do as a child... Constantly go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, until you are broken so badly, that you just give up.

I am So Sorry Mum... Wow... what a lesson... FROM THE FUCKING CAT!!!

However, I digress, slightly...

Since not smoking & toking, having had very little sleep every night, arguing with my beloved and generally being a space cadet, it occurs to me, that my facebook account is all roses, niceties and lovelyness. I am in so much trauma, stress, anger and sadness, yet showing the world a brave face.

I had a small meditation yesterday, for only 10 minutes. In that 10 minutes, maybe half way through or even near the end, I heard something say to me "Through suffering, we get a greater understanding of peace". Sounds like a great piece of advice, I'm just not sure what to do with it at this moment.

So here I am writing to you, telling you that I am suffering, from my own mind, the anger created from my cat aka Ninja aka Moana aka THE FUCKING CAT!

To tell you, aka me, that "Through Suffering, We Get A Greater Understanding of Peace".

I'm not sure how literally I am going to take this... As maybe, to endure more suffering aka killing the cat, I will create a greater level of peace for which both myself and Carly will be most grateful, but seems a bit harsh on the cat. As for the cat, she is the most loving of creatures you will ever wish to meet in your life, at least, until she opens her mouth!

We are suffering, yet showing the world our greater understanding of peace.

I realise, this is all 1st or even 2nd world problems, but none the less, they are the problems that we are living through, as this is the situation that we find ourselves in.

I am lucky, in fact, very lucky to have the life that I am living. I take things for granted which, I know I shouldn't.

Carly, as and when you read this. I am sorry not sorry. I love you with the half of my heart that I gave you the first day we met and I said "Hey Carly". I don't want to suffer and I don't want you to suffer, but if I have to suffer to be able to share my greater understanding of peace at this moment of time, then that is what I have to do.

Peace 1 <3

William M Dégge

A message to my stoner friends... Feb 4th 2019

This message goes out to all the people I know as my family aka my friends... 

What you see on my social media is some idea's, my radio show on nsbradio and business related to living in Portugal. We use the internet a lot differently out here than how most people use it.Without our internet connections aka facebook, it is very hard to get an understanding of the community and ability to communicate with one another. I am unsure as to actually who see's any of my posts or any of the threads found on this blog. I hope they're getting to the people that need to see it. 

Over the last 2-3 years I have had around 800 people add me on fb, this is due (I believe) to my DJ related works with NSBradio and the blog that I started 10 years ago (www.thankphat.com). It has taken a lot of work in such a small scene to get a little bit noticed. I have no idea how many people download my podcast, I have been up and down with the uploads, sometimes the headspace I have been in creates a negative understanding of what it is I am trying to achieve. Breakbeats, Farming, DJing, Sound Engineering, Riding, creating events, cultivating relationships with people, these are the things I thrive on. I hope to push my own boundaries of understanding and sharing my journey with anyone that is interested. 

This year, again, I have stopped smoking & toking. This is the 6th and I truly believe at this moment  of time, the final time that I will stop. Tobacco is the hardest thing to stop smoking, once it has a grip on you, it takes full hold and then slowly helps you to destroy yourself. If it's through the money that you spend buying the tobacco/cigarettes/weed, the destruction of your lungs, the staining of your teeth and lingering smell around your clothes and hair. My dad left this world due to Emphysema (lung disease/copd) He had smoked for as long as I could remember. As a little boy I would always steal his tobacco, lighter and papers and put them in a pot. Of course, I always put them in the same place. I wish I had put them down the toilet and flushed them away. As a teenager I hated the thought of smoking and drugs. 

At some point in my late teens, around the age of 16/17 I accepted that it was an experience to be given a try, then for half of my life I have been stuck under its spell. Nicotine is not worth the money we pay for it. Did you know, something like 60mg of nicotine can kill you! Bare in mind 1 cigarette contains, when smoked 1mg of nicotine. Yes I understand, you're not going to light 60 cigarettes in 1 go, but the possibility of being able to die is immense. A toddler could eat a butt of a cigarette and potentially die from it!

Cannabis can be a great tool to create deeper understandings of self, the reality in which we live in and also a connection to people. Even the government tells us "it's a gateway drug", however, they're suggesting that it is a gateway into leading you onto other drugs! A quote from myself in 2014 "Cannabis is a great procrastination tool" if you have plenty of time to do nothing and be happy doing nothing, yet all the time thinking that you are achieving some sort of greatness due to the amazing thought processes you are having, think again. I know, as well as any other stoner, that you get great idea's when you're high. The main problem is, you have no idea what you were thinking as the thoughts come as quickly as they go. 

When I spent 1 year having a smoke once every 2-3 months, for 1 day only, the amount of understanding I had was invaluable and because I was not hooked into the daily habit of the tobacco/nicotine, I was able to use it to get a greater understanding of what I wanted to do as being not stoned 24/7 I had become bored, when boredom happens, instead of being complacent in my own headspace, I became more creative and a lot more things were actioned. That few days over a year, gave me a quick glimpse into my own headspace, then because of the not stoned headspace, I was able to grasp the understandings that I was getting, write them down and then action them the following day. 

This year I turned 35, it is time for me now, finally, to stop doing something that is hindering my personal growth of knowing who I am and where I fit in in this world. 

Weed/cannabis, is my favourite thing to do in the world. I love being stoned. I am the group stoner. It is my label. But I am by my own virtue un-labelable... 

Since giving up this last time, I feel a level of relief, a level of anger and also disappointment in myself. The tools we are given, we openly abuse, daily.

If we come from Shaman, healers & people of a greater understanding, we have truly messed up along the way. 

Our culture of wants has created a negative vibe, throughout the entire world. We want, want, want... We always want. But the wants and desires that we can obtain through understanding ourselves is bigger than any sort of commercialised product that we feel we want, including cannabis.

If we want, we will always be wanting. The question we don't ask is What do we truly need in our lives?

The answer, I feel will surprise you, or not. This is my opinion, but I believe (at this moment in time) that we need connection with others, an understanding of our place in a community or network, to know that we are loved, to feel that we have a common ground with our friends and family. 

Since being here, living in Portugal, my goals have changed and changed and changed. Constantly evolving. We have to move with the times and evolve ourselves, constantly. 

We have the tools to create a greater understanding, yet ,we just abuse them and think it's fun! 

When you wake up the next day with a weedover, pick up last nights joint, spark it up and think to yourself "ahhh that's better, the weedover is gone" nope, that's just the nicotine. 

I consumed 7-8grams a day, for around 6 weeks by the time I stopped in 2013. The reason was because I was hydrating between 2-4 ltrs of distilled water per day. At the end of the night, I did not feel stoned, at all. I was hydrated, as was my body. 

I became aware that, the feeling of "being stoned/high" is actually dehydration, not "being stoned/high" as we feel it is. You know, that end of the night stoned, when you can't smoke anymore... Yeah, that is dehydration.

I finally found some actual real information regarding distilled water. Download the PDF. 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/319406161_Dispelling_myths_about_drinking_distilled_water

When I lived in Istanbul for several weeks, I went to a hookah/nargile bar. I pulled a whitey (stoner's will know what I am on about). I was shocked, I can handle all the smoke you can think, yet this hookah pipe, with it's malasis tobacco made me full on white out. I was in the bathroom, spinning out, nearly throwing up, I drank a few bottles of water and sort of felt better... It took me several years to realise that it was de-hydration of the lungs. The body is pulling all of the water into the lungs to keep them hydrated, so then when we have not been hydrated at all we crash. Something with being sick must create a reset that helps the body to overcome the continued dehydration.  

When you speak to the people that are the stoner's they are the philosophers, the out of the box thinkers, the people that have great ideas. We all can use some of the tools to create a greater understanding. I feel that when it was made illegal, it was done for a reason. To keep us in our bubbles so that we don’t use our personal power to help our own personal growth and the growth of others. 

We are the rebels in this world, so the fact that it is illegal makes use want to do it more, subconsciously, we are like "yeah, fuck the system, I'm going to get high every day, all day and stick it to the man" but in reality, the man is laughing at us, we aren't going to do anything other than sit in our homes with our stoner friends laughing and talking about anything that pops into our brains, endlessly doing nothing. Even if we believe we are doing something, we are doing it at a 1/4 of the rate that we could be hand we not been stoned 24/7. 

Having stopped again, I am now pushing myself to stand up, be heard and want to help.

I hope this is not all a bit random, I started this blog specifically for life and travels, I suppose this is about life. A lesson of consumerism, that has engulfed me, again and again.

This blog, for me, is an outlet of thoughts on my life, my experiences and how I hope I can help, even just 1 person to be aware of the world around them, even if that one person is myself!

Peace 1 <3 

WMD 

xx

Huh, what happened to 2018 and all the pics & vids Will?

Errr, so yeah... Life happens!

Happy 2019 x